One of the crowd

I think that when you became a parent a lot of things change. Not just the obvious stuff like being strapped to the house, and having to need a trailer for a day-trip, but also a lot of smaller hidden things. I was reading in a magazine the other day that pregnancy is the never-never land between being single and being a parent. It is now that I am a mum I appreciate this analogy. In pregnancy you can't do all that your single friends are doing, yet you don't really get your parent friends either. You are already responsible for taking care of a little life, although it is much easier to leave the house at this point. I think that as a single person your anxieties of going to parties or get-togethers and fitting in are fairly standard, but as a parent (especially of a toddler) the outlook in such situations is very different. No-longer is the focus on whether you will be standing alone in the corner, or being the only single person. It is about your style of parenting

As a stay at home mum, I have the opportunity to be involved in a vast range of different gatherings involving grown-ups and little people. Be it swimming lessons, mother's groups, kindergym or playgroup etc they are all fraught with similar social dangers. This danger starts before you even leave the house. What is my child (and I) going to wear? Seems like a simple choice doesn't it? Not really. I think the answer here has some to do with your parenting style, and some to do with the group. Now most of these gatherings that I am talking about are relatively low-impact social occasions so that the kids can socialise and the parents can rationalise (or gloat) about their child's latest crazy (or amazing) behaviour. But what to wear? Well for me the answer is not usually dressy vs casual, but comfort vs function. As cute as those little jeans look, I really feel that a nice warm pair of tracky dacks (sweatpants) would be better for my little man to wear after his swimming lessons.

I think some of these social dangers shift depending on what stage of the relationship your particular group is at. I have a really wonderful mother's group. We have all meshed really well, and have since taken in a new mum who had no group to join. Our babies range from 11 months through to 15 months. Our group has been together since my little guy was 6 weeks old (now 13 months). We have really grown to learn each others' personality and parenting style. Although my parenting often leans towards an Attachment Parenting style, I really feel that my mother's group is open to and respective of my input and choices. To that I am truly grateful. There are often times that I pursue lines of inquiry with them to find where parenting feels comfortable for me. Although there is quite a range of parenting styles within our group, I would feel quite comfortable to leave my darling man with any one of them to look after. It was to these friends that I turned when I needed to attend the funeral (see last post). Thanks for your support guys.

There are other times when I meet with other groups of people that the anxieties are different. Where I find that these anxieties arise is from different starting points in the group. In one group the members have known each other for vastly different amounts of time. In others we have a common interest although have varied backgrounds. I enjoy each of the groups in which I belong for a variety of reasons. Just as I like my mother's group for it's safety, I like another for its ability to push me beyond my comfort zone, and yet another for exploring different aspects of my own parenting style. I like the way that each and every group that I belong allows me to develop my acceptance and understanding. I admit that at times I have made social blunders (sorry Jason) although it is through these experiences that I grow both as a mother, and a person. I have gone through various stages already with my parenting, and I have no doubt that I will go through many more. It is in my role as a mum however, that I have taken greater check of myself as a person. What really matters to me? What do I value? How can I make a more positive impact on this world. I am no longer just an individual, nor am I just a mother. I am a person who has the power to value, and to use these values to change herself, her family and her environment.